Epiphany

Dear Readers,

This is my second insight paper for Book of Mormon. I had a lot of fun writing it and I had more to say, but I'm not supposed to exceed two pages (I did bleed a little on to a third...don't tell Brother Merrill). Maybe we can get a comment thread started to discuss the further implications of the passage. Enjoy!

Insight Paper the Second

Alma 5: 59-60:

59 For what shepherd is there among you having many sheep doth not watch over them, that the wolves enter not and devour his flock? And behold, if a wolf enter his flock doth he not drive him out? Yea, and at the last, if he can, he will destroy them.

60 And now I say unto you that the good shepherd doth call after you; and if you will hearken unto his voice he will bring you into his fold, and ye are his sheep; and he commandeth you that ye suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among you, that ye may not be destroyed.

I loved the two consecutive conference addresses on the changing and the softening of the heart. I have often thought about those talks over the past two days. I was not surprised to find myself reading through the fifth chapter of Alma in search of a passage for this paper. I was, however, quite surprised to notice these verses, which had never seemed as significant as those earlier in the chapter which deal more explicitly with the topic of a changed heart. Nevertheless, I read these verses, reread them, and put down my Book of Mormon, intrigued but puzzled by these verses that seemed so unrelated to the original theme of Alma’s discourse.

The cause of my confusion was the role of the “ravenous wolf” that Alma speaks of in these verses. My initial interpretation was that the wolves were wicked men in various degrees of disguise (who can read these verses without thinking of the fable of the wolf in sheep’s clothing?) who enter in among the children of God and attack them spiritually, drawing them away from the safety of the flock. The charge drive these wolves out of the flock, indeed destroy them if possible, disturbed me. After all, the majority of wolves under this definition are people outside the church who are usually very nice and often full of good intentions. They can certainly be dangerous, but they are dangerous only in their ignorance. They don’t know the truth, they are only acting on what they believe to be right.

Can you understand my confusion? Aren’t we supposed to treat these “wolves” with love? Haven’t we also been commanded of the Lord to reach out to them and invite them into the fold? Driving them out and destroying them hardly seemed to me a act of charity, and why would Alma, in his discourse on a mightily changed heart, include two verses about sheep and wolves? Furthermore, if we are the sheep according to the metaphor, how is that we are to drive out the wolves?

In my efforts to understand, I thought and I prayed and I thought some more and I was on the verge of calling my Seminary-Teacher-Mother when I had an epiphany. The wolves in these verses are not people at all, but temptations! These ravenous wolves are the sometimes subtle and sometimes blatant influences of Satan that stealthily creep into the hearts of the children of God. They are unclean thoughts, addictions, jealousies, grudges, and all other manner of temptations that, if acted upon, consume even the most valiant spirits. This new interpretation of one word brought order to the whole scripture. The well-intended but misinformed people whom I initially thought were the wolves of the story are only other sheep who have already been carried off by the wolves. God is no respecter of persons—he would not designate some of his children as sheep and others as wolves.

Furthermore, the question of why we as sheep are commanded in verse sixty to “suffer no ravenous wolf to enter among [us],” is clearly answered by this new interpretation. If the wolves are temptations, then it is a matter of agency to drive them out. In choosing to act upon the enticings of the spirit over the temptations of Satan, we drive out the wolves. The Lord cannot do this for us because he will not take away our agency. And how do we destroy the wolves? By undergoing a mighty change of heart so that we have no more disposition to do evil! Alma was not straying from his theme, he was explaining another facet of it and connecting it to other gospel principles by way of a common metaphor, reaffirming the unity of the gospel and strengthening our protection from the ravenous wolves that seek to destroy us.

Again, it will likely be a while before I can post again. I'm rather busy, but I will try to make more time for blogging.

Here are two videos. The first is a song from Myths and Hymns, a song cycle by Adam Guettel that I recently listened to (I mentioned this in my family letter). Brilliant to say the least. The second Billy Porter's rendition of Beauty School Dropout from the 1994 revival of Grease. Billy Porter has one of the most incredible instruments I have ever heard (and he was the original singer of the song in the first video, which is why I'm including him) so enjoy it :-)





--Christian

Peek-a-boo!

Dear Readers,
The title of this post means that I'll be disappearing back into blogger obscurity for a while after posting this, but because I have been absent for so long, here is the first insight paper I wrote for my Book of Mormon Class. Enjoy!

Insight Paper the First

2 Nephi 31:19-20:

19 And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.

20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.

If I were to bear record of my sensory experience of these past two days with a list of adjectives, such a list would include “sluggish,” “sedentary,” “foggy,” “lazy,” “heavy,” et cetera. The weather has been gorgeous, and I am aware of that, my classes have been interesting and I am aware of that, and I have been working steadily, but for whatever reason I have felt mentally motionless since Monday morning. I feel like I have lost momentum in my studies and that some sort of weighty haze has descended upon my mind. While leafing through my Book of Mormon in search of a passage to discuss in this paper, these two verses, marked in red, likely brought to my attention years ago in a fireside or on an early morning in seminary, took on especial significance for this moment in my life.

Two words, a verb and an adverb, found great relevance in the context of these recent days: “press forward.” I liked “press” because it indicates some sort of resistance. To press something requires some sort of force. It requires difficulty. It requires something to press into or through. “Press” is an active verb, and active is just what I need to be right now to “press” through this mental fog. I liked “forward” because it indicates motion and direction. I want to move forward in my life, but for the past two days, the natural man in me has wanted just the opposite—to stay put. But in this gospel, and in life in general, one can’t just stay put. Putting these words in context, the strait and narrow path is not straight, nor is it flat. It’s an overgrown, slippery mountain trail. Staying put really means sliding backwards. To progress, one must hold tight to the rod, and climb with great effort, pressing away through the overgrowth. In my experience, the path of righteous living isn’t easy. Those occasions when I think it is easy are usually those occasions when I need to work harder.

So how does one press forward, despite the obstacles (in my current case, this mental fog and inertia that has been with me these two days) without giving into discouragement (as I have oft been tempted to do these past two days—thankfully I haven’t given in yet and don’t plan to in the future)? The answer is in the verse. We aren’t commanded to simply “press forward,” we are commanded to “press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men…feasting upon the word of Christ, and [enduring] to the end.” What we must never forget, and what I (thankfully) haven’t forgotten over the last two days, is to enjoy the journey in its difficulty. Though the trail is steep and strenuous, it is beautiful (when we can see it). As long as we continue to press forward, the light of Christ will illuminate wonderful things along the path (much prettier than any primroses we could see on another, easier path). I’m so glad I rediscovered this verse. It is the perfect piece of advice for this time in my life and any time in my life.

Here is something I LOVED when I was young:



I want to watch this movie at Thanksgiving or Christmastime. Listen to the last phrase and the last note--the technique is perfect and the performance exhilarating.

--Christian

P.S. I was cast as Nephi in Savior of the World (A major annual production in the Conference Center) but I had to turn it down. It was so hard to say no. Hopefully I'll be just as favorably cast when I audition in the future.

Amazing

Dear Readers,

I don't have any philosophizing to do tonight, but these two videos amaze me:





--Christian

Week One? Check!

Hey Everyone,
It's been a while since I've posted! I'll get better, I promise, but this past week was rather busy. Here's a little piece I wrote for my Music 161 (group voice) class, in response to a Brigham Young passage. I'll type out the passage first, and then my response:

"Strengthen the Hands of Your Fellow Beings"
Brigham Young

If you feel evil, keep it to yourselves until you overcome that evil principle. This is what I call resisting the devil, and he flees from me...When you are influenced by the Spirit of holiness and purity, let your light shine; but if you are tried and tempted and buffeted by Satan, keep your thoughts to yourselves--keep your mouths closed; for speaking produces fruit, either of a good or evil character...You frequently hear brethren and sisters say that they feel so tried and tempted, and have so many cares, and are so buffeted, that they must give vent to their feelings; and they yield to the temptation, and deal out their unpleasant sensations to their families and neighbors. Make up your minds thoroughly, once for all, that if we have trials, the Lord has suffered them to be brought upon us, and he will give us grace to bear them...But if we have light or intelligence--that which will do good, we will impart it...Let that be the determination of individual, for spirit begets spirit-likeness; feelings beget their likeness...If then we give vent to all our bad feelings [and] disagreeable sensations, how quickly we beget the same in others, and load each other down with our troubles, and become sunk in darkness and despair! ...In all your social communications...let all the dark, discontented, murmuring, unhappy, miserable feelings--all the evil fruit of the mind, fall from the tree in silence and unnoticed; and so let it perish, without taking it up to present to your neighbors. But when you have joy and happiness, light and intelligence, truth and virtue, offer that fruit abundantly to your neighbors, and it will do them good, and so strengthen the hands of your fellow beings.

Journal of Discourses, 5: 351-352

And now my response:

Good Fruit

This is one of my favorite quotes from Brigham Young. When Randy introduced it to me at YASE camp 2008, it completely changed my perspective on the healthy expression of feelings. While I cannot truthfully say that I have fully incorporated the principle of “no bad fruit” in my life, my efforts towards more fully living by it have made me much more positive and much happier. Especially in an environment of performance and scrutiny, which will be the context of this course, this principle transforms the vocal workshop from threatening to supportive. With the added comfort of knowing that one’s fellows are hoping and wanting the best for you comes an increased ability to perform to potential. The spirit can be present and will sharpen our faculties and help us to learn more effectively and permanently. Our voices will grow in their ability to sing praises unto our Father in Heaven.

Furthermore, it acts as a guideline for the kinds of choices we ought to make as performers. We must choose to take part in performances that are good and not evil. We must use our gifts to edify and enlighten others and in so doing we will edify ourselves. If we choose to lend our talents to unworthy performances, then we will be spiritually damaged and those for whom we perform will suffer as well. If we, as performers, truly wish to make the world a better place, we must be very careful the the fruits of our talents are not evil, but good.

Here is a song that I really like:



Love,
Christian

The Orient.

Konichiwa,
No. The title does not bespeak a post on the cultures of the Asian continent. And it's purely coincidence that I chose to greet you in japanese. The subject of this post is New Student Orientation, or in the the proper BYU acronym, NSO. It has differed from my expectations, and is just not as great as LSH, but has only augmented my excitement to be at BYU. My favorite NSO experiences have been the Convocation, the Tradition of Honor (such a fun performance by YA's and friends about the honor code), The "Education in Zion" exhibit and shirt, and of course all the free food that they have--my Dining plus balance is growing. I missed the devotional this morning because I slept in, but that has been the only real disappointment. Though the Y-serve fair and the information booths were a bit overwhelming when it came to free stuff. I came back to my dorm with more stuff than I wanted and NO COTTON CANDY!!! There was one booth that was giving away free cotton candy, but they ran out of paper sticks just as I reached the front of the line. Plenty of sugar to spin, but nothing to spin it on. By the time I got out a piece of useless paper and rolled it up, they had put the machine away.

Oh but I'm forgetting one thing. The real highlight of NSO has been the moments when I've broken from my Y-group and spent time with my LSH class. I completely proved myself wrong. I thought I wouldn't find my best friends at LSH and I definitely did.

Okay, I'm very tired and I need to be getting to sleep earlier, so I'll close.

Here's a video of a great guitarist I discovered thanks to one of my new friends. It makes me really emotional, especially the beginning:



Love,
Christian

Windows of Eternity

Hey Readers,
This is my third journal entry for my environmental humanities class. I hope these aren't getting boring for you--I just don't have time at the moment to create new posts, but I want to keep you updated and I figure that publishing my work is a good way to do that. As a disclaimer, I'm aware that many of these sentences are far too long and that this whole piece is very self-indulgent.

Nature is full of profundity. Anyone even basically familiar with biology knows that the amazing intricacy and variety that we see in the plants and animals around us are just the decorative wrappings on a box full of wonder. Vital processes occur every second on scales much larger and much smaller than our mortal minds and especially our naked eyes could ever fully comprehend. Snatches of eternity are everywhere, though by seeking to snatch them, we often cause them to lose their meaning. Just as we can't force God to give us the very answer we want at the very instant we ask for it, we cannot coerce Nature into opening its windows to infinity. By luck, serendipity, or the grace of God (I'd put my faith in the last one), we are blessed every once in a while with an opportunity to gaze through those windows. Sometimes we are allowed to peer through for many minutes, but all too often we are only granted a fleeting glance.

It took me much longer than an introductory paragraph to identify just such an experience, but after sorting through my memories of panoramic mountain vistas, majestic and dizzying cliffs, and picturesque sylvan springs, I settled on a moment I enjoyed a couple of years ago while running. It was a bright twilight. The sun was setting or barely set, but the moon was well-risen. The sky hadn't a single cloud to catch the orange light of the setting sun and the full moon painted the sky a blue that was shockingly bright for that hour of the evening. The temperature could only be described as perfect and a brisk yet gentle breeze cooled my burning muscles. An almost electric energy coursed through the air and the trees and the road, giving spring to my stride and vigour to every breath. Perhaps my brain had released one too many endorphins, but as I ran under an opening in the canopy of roadside oaks, I looked up at the moon and was jolted by a flash of sudden clarity. Without any effort and without any warning, I was overcome with perspective. I saw the moon, not as a pretty painting that moves across the ceiling which I scientifically knew was really a cratered ball of sand and glass orbiting Earth thousands of miles away [side note--this sentence was really weird--I'm not going to change it right now--I tried to speak to the fact that while I know the moon is a real celestial body, it often looks visually two dimensional to me, and because that's how I see it and I'm such a visual person, that's how I conceptualize the moon emotionally--like a two dimensional painting], but as a heavenly orb--a three-dimensional body created by God with its own path and purpose. In gaining a sense of the distance and scale of the moon, I comprehended the size of the Earth beneath my feet and I could feel the joy of my soul and the light and power of Christ extending through and past the stars (though none were visible) and into the vast expanse of endless space. Immediately I understood my own nature and my own spacial insignificance. It was at once humbling and empowering to come to know myself as both an infinitesimal speck and a child of God with divine and infinite potential. I could see my path in front of me, and I don't mean that windy road in the upper hills of Flintridge. Though emotionally and spiritually staggered, I ran on, gazing to heaven-wards when I could and near tears.

Surprisingly, this moment has stayed vividly in my memory. I know I have had many other such experiences, but for a reason unknown to me, the details fade, leaving warm memories of deep emotion and a gap that I physically and spiritually needed to fill. It seems that once we are aware that the veil has thinned, it is too soon and too cruelly drawn back into place. I don' know why this one moment has remained with such tenacity, but I am grateful. It is present enough to save me from discouragement, but mysterious enough to lure me back to nature in hopes that the curtains will be drawn back and I'll find the windows open.

Here is a group I was thinking about today. They are called Amina and they are from Iceland (according to the Clives, who are fairly reliable with their music information) and I love their minimalism:



Love,
Christian

Finding a Sense of Place

Here is my second college writing assignment. It's the second entry in my nature journal, to follow the previous essay I posted. It is written in response to a piece we read by Wallace Stegner--"The Sense of Place"--excerpted from his book Where the Bluebird Sings to the Lemonade Springs: Living and Writing in the West. It was a great bit of writing to read.

In a political and intellectual setting where the seemingly vast majority of environmentalist or environmentally-concerned writers focus dramatically on the cruel human impact on the environment and charge us to minimize or even eliminate our presence in it, it is interesting and rather refreshing to read the ideas of a writer who believes that the only way to really appreciate our respective corners of the world--in this case the environment--is to cause some sort of an impact upon it. A gentle and loving impact, yes, but an impact nonetheless. Stegner's essay not only provided much desired refreshment (the bitter taste from my study of Rachel Carson's Silent Spring still lingers even after a year and a half) but resonated strongly, as well. There is a part of me that is hopelessly and idyllically romantic and longs for the small rural towns of Frost and Wilder or the heather and heath of Burns and Yeats. These places' contented coexistence with the surrounding land--the mutual belonging whose praises these poets sing--is much to be desired. There, the types of growth that were (perhaps it's overly-optimistic to use the present tense) chiefly sought were growth of character and growth of garden (the word "crop" is so much less poetic than "garden"). Concerns of social mobility and economic (over)growth were of lesser importance. Selflessness triumphed over selfishness there, in those beautiful places.

Living my entire life in Southern California, a region whose culture fully embraces and embodies the concept of constant movement and motion, I understand what rootlessness can mean. Even as I lived there, I often felt that, with my busy schedule and my focus on abstracts (like the future) rather than concretes, I, too, was displaced. The process of packing and moving here to Provo proved otherwise, that in the little town of La Ca(imagine and n with a tilde here)ada, nestled in the foothills, I had found a place for myself. The unearthing of childhood treasures and the knowledge that every walk through the neighborhood or drive through town brought me closer to my last opened the floodgates on a reservoir of memories, good and bad, that I had saved away. Books, chairs, and street signs all symbolized the thoughts, feelings, and adventures of my seventeen and a half years of living.

Does this transition to college life hundreds of miles from my childhood home leave me without a place to call my own? No, it leaves me with a place under construction, if you will. I am a very lucky freshman. I am the eighth child in my family to attend BYU. I saw BYU for the first time just a couple months before my first birthday. Multiple visits a year followed that first trip every year without fail. It was so much a part of my early existence that I can't even remember when I first gained an awareness of it. Nearly every corner of campus conjures up images of long afternoons with my siblings in the Bean Museum while my mother ran errands, or exciting visits to the Eyring Science Center where I played wit hthe air cannon and tried and failed to comprehend the magnetic pendulum that swings in one direction independently of the rotation of the Earth (I still don't get it). More recent and fresh are my experiences at BYU camps where I lived on campus for five days periods and learned what the university meant and strove for. I have met my best friends at these camps (or rather these yearly sessions of the same camp--the Young Ambassador workshop). I have witnessed the first performances of songs written about BYU. I have listened to campus legends fact and fiction. My friends will fill in for my family and the dorms will substitute for my house, but there is nothing substituted or temporary about the fact that BYU is home to me. SO while I have much more of BYU to see and experience in the approaching years, BYU and I already share that mutual belonging--that sense of place.




That's all that I wrote back on Friday night. I may add more later to focus more fully on my place in nature. Lots of the choices may seem strange, but if you can read that piece by Stegner, it will make much more sense.

Today, my friends and I were talking about public comedy stunts, like the European train station that played stage to a mass-choreographed number from The Sound of Music. Here is another similar number that was performed at Disneyland earlier this summer. Yes it is authentic. My friend Alyssa is the curly brunette who enters the screen from the left at three minutes and forty-three seconds, wearing a dark read half-sweater and cutoff knee-length denim shorts. Isn't it cute???



Love,
--Christian